Unity
One of my favorite sitcoms is Seinfeld. In one episode, the character George Costanza, was certain he was having a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital. After learning that his tests came back negative, he exclaimed, “There’s nothing wrong with me!” The doctor told him not to take it that far, sending George into a panic. George cried out, “Is it lupus?!”
It took me years to finally decide to look up what lupus actually was. From George’s cries, I knew it had to have been serious though the comedy wouldn’t let me take it seriously. I had no idea that it was an autoimmune disease where the immune system attacks its own tissues. This was alarming to learn that the protective force of the body mounts an insurrection. What’s more disheartening is that while the causes are thought to be linked to environmental, genetic, or hormonal factors, they still remain unknown. Because of this, autoimmune diseases have no known cure, but are being treated in hopes of controlling the conditions.
It was baffling to me that a body that once experienced unity in its diversity and complexity could simply turn on itself, and there was no way to stop it. Then I came across a 2023 article from Penn Medicine by written by Wynne Perry. Here, Perry reports on a revolution for immunotherapy where scientists hope to target and turn down the malfunctioning part of the immune system in an effort to find a cure.
Is it possible that many experience a breakdown like this in just about every type of relationship? Something like an autoimmune disease destroys marriages, disintegrates friendships, dissolves sibling relationships, disrupts parent-child relationships, detonates dating relationships. Do the safeguards of a relationship somehow turn and eat away at the bond? Does trust become mistrust? Communication… miscommunication? Respect… disrespect? Can love become hate? No. There are some who feel that the failure of many relationships may be linked to environmental, genetic, or hormonal factors. But there has to be more.
When the unity of a relationship fails, is there a treatment plan that can bring back the oneness, reestablishing unity. Is there a revolution in relationship therapy that can target and turn down the malfunctioning parts in an effort to bring healing. Here’s a simple plan that I’d like to suggest to help get this going in the right direction.
Decide what you want to do… together
On my last post, I sought to encourage you, the reader, by letting you know that you can begin again. The question now is, “Do you want to?” One can pray and ask God what they should do, and I believe that He will answer. Still, you must choose. And you must choose together. God, through the prophet, Amos, says, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?“ (Amos 3:3 NLT). You must choose to fight alongside each other for each other. You must decide if you’re willing to let God expose the root cause of what’s ripping you apart. And you must want to put in the work, so that God can restore. What work?
Rebuild the altar
1 Kings 18, we read of the story of the showdown on Mt. Carmel where God’s prophet, Elijah, faced off against hundreds of false prophets. The contest was to determine two things: 1) Who is really God? and 2) Whom should the people serve? You see, the spiritual autoimmune disease called sin, ravaged the land, and tore at the very fabric of God’s relationship with His people. God chose, and now the people would have to choose.
The challenge was simple. They would perform an act of worship by making a sacrifice: Elijah to the God of Heaven; false prophets to their god, Baal. Whoever accepted a sacrifice by fire would declare themselves as real. The false prophets called on their god first, and nothing happened… all day. When Elijah’s turn came, the first thing he did was rebuild the altar of God. He had to rebuild before there could be revival… rebuild to make room for healing to take place. Elijah’s God… the God of heaven… our God answered, declaring Himself real and many of the people chose Him.
If we want unity in our relationships, then I suggest we rebuild (or build for the first time) the altar of God. Make room for Him to declare Himself real in your life. In other words, commit to worshipping God together. Sacrifice some time doing other things, hanging out with other people, or sleeping in a little extra, and let God target and turn around the malfunctioning parts of your relationship.
Seek counseling
Recorded in Exodus 18, after the Moses-led (but really God-led), Israelites escaped from Egypt and made it to the wilderness, Moses’ father-in-law came for a visit. Now, this may raise up trepidation as there are many people who have stressed or strained relationships with their in-laws. But what happens next is a lesson in the importance of receiving wise counsel.
Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, witnesses Moses at work. There Moses is counseling, hearing cases, rendering judgments… all day. Jethro pulls his son-in-law to the side and says, ”This is not good! You’re going to wear yourself out—and the people, too. This job is too heavy a burden for you to handle all by yourself.“ (Exodus 18:17-18 NLT). Then Jethro proceeds to give Moses life-changing advice.
Seeking counseling is important. Receiving wise counsel is critical. It shouldn’t be dismissed for fear of judgment, the sake of one’s pride, or to just pray about it. Not many individuals in scripture was more connected to God than Moses, and he still adopted the advice of his father-in-law. No one in scripture is deemed wiser than Solomon, and he still said, ”Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success.“ (Proverbs 15:22 NLT)
Unity in every relationship is crucial, and its disruption can be devastating. Remember, God restores, you can begin again, and reclaim the unity once experienced if both parties agree to fight for it, rebuild (or build for the first time) the altar of God, and seek counseling.
Sam Paschal III